The Loss of My Soul Mate

By: Kaitlin Hutchinson

4 Votes

The Loss of My Soul Mate - Kaitlin Hutchinson

Walden III High School


Her name was Lexi. Lexi and I met in middle school and became inseparable. She was really the only one I hung out with and talked to every day. Even though we were best friends, we were complete opposites. Lexi liked to dye her hair fun colors, wear dark eyeliner, and dark clothes. She liked heavy metal music, partying and experimenting with drugs. I, on the other hand, loved to go to church, was good in school, and just wasn’t anything like her, but we fit like two puzzle pieces. My soul mate as I would put it. Every time we were together we couldn’t stop laughing. She understood me and we both were always there for each other.

Lexi had another soul mate. An addiction. Depression clouded her mind and self hate became the knife to cut her skin. She struggled with a broken family and an abusive mother, both verbally and physically. Even after her dad getting full custody the end of her eighth grade year and the loving environment she was put in, the memories of such a hostile household replayed in her mind. She never thought she wasn’t good enough. She wasn’t skinny, pretty, or smart enough; but she was. She was all of that and more. No matter how much she was told how great she was, I still noticed the fresh cuts on her arm.

Then the day came. December 15th, 2013, the beginning of our freshman year, I woke up to my worst nightmare. My mom woke me up and told me the news. “Lexi hung herself,” she said. I didn’t understand and asked if she was ok. She wasn’t, and hasn’t been for a long time. The night before, I got a text from her step mom asking me to come over. When I got there I realized she wasn’t acting normal. Then she told me through slurred words that she had tried to overdose on pills. I didn’t know what to say so I just held her. For the next day we stayed down in her dark room in each other's arms. We didn’t talk or laugh, we just layed in each other's presence. Not knowing the next day I would be without my best friend.

You only find that type of friend one in a million and she was my one. My life has never been the same. Lexi taught me how to love and see the beauty in everyone. People are all going to be different but that doesn’t mean they aren’t worth loving. She also taught me how to be patient. Being best friends with someone who has depression can be really frustrating because it didn’t matter what I said, she had to learn some things by herself. I could tell her everyday she was beautiful but she still had to search to see that herself. I also learned that life doesn’t stop. My best friend was dead but I wasn’t. I had to live my life for her because even when she was alive she was still dead.

The world will not stop for anyone. Not even if it feels like the world has shattered. My world did. I will never be the same. She will always be my soul mate and even though I get so mad at her for doing what she did, she has taught me more than anyone else and I couldn’t thank her enough. With the help of my friends and family, and leaning on God for support, I have learned to live for her instead of focusing on the fact I am living with out her.